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The Balloney Ultimate Home Theater Experience

You've spent thousands of dollars on a home theater system, you've got the latest in digital video, digital sound, satellite receivers, but something is missing.

Some intangible quality is just not there, and you're feeling a longing to go to a real theater. It just doesn't make sense!

Don't worry, Billy knows what's wrong and he has the solution. He can give you the true home theater experience!

Home theater illustration
Home Theater illustration

The Home theater chair for the person who wants the true experience of being at the movies.

  1. Chair simulates being kicked on the back of your chair and your head
  2. being bumped by phantom theater goers getting stuff at the concession stands or going to the bathroom.
  3. Projectiles rocket out from your chair back made from real spit wads, popcorn, paper cups.
  4. Strategic areas of the chair assembly are designed with 3M Stick-It© fabric. This is the same material 'stikies' are made from. This is designed to give you that sticky floor and armchair feeling you're grown to love.
  5. Grease saturates the seats and floor of the chairs. Your drink holder falls off spilling your drinks! WoW!
  6. Pop up silhouettes block your view at critical moments in the plot.
  7. Simulated light leaks into the room to fog the screen randomly.
  8. Talking and inappropriate laughter, babies crying at random times emanate from the SenSore Round® system that comes with the built in speakers.
  9. "Smart card" feature audibly blurts out what is going to happen at critical moments to ruin the suspense of the plot. Cards available for most movies.
  10. You'll have to frequently lift up your legs for silhouette theater goers going in and out of your 'aisle'.
  11. Low monthly payments!